vs Stalkers

"So, Sexy-D, let's hear you take on this Stalker crap..."
Mass media originally treated stalking as a celebrity problem: famous people being continuously harrassed and shadowed by fanatics until someone gets shot or splattered with bloody semen.  However, modern society soon realised that the most common form of this crime involves everyday jilted lovers or gormless rejectees unable to resolve the fact that the relationship they desire is no longer a realistic option.  It is typically motivated by one or two particularly irrational emotions:

1. envy: wanting what someone else has,

or

2. jealousy: not wanting to lose something that you had.

See, even when you try to lighten the issue with hilarious shirt slogans

people still feel uneasy.

I'm as prone to experiencing those two emotional states as much as the next guy, but I'm just too damn lazy to act on it.  Seriously, stalking seems like an awfully exhausting, risky and embarrassing way to not gain someone else's affection.  Stalking, by nature, is unwanted, intrusive behaviour.  If someone doesn't want you to pay them attention, then how is paying them more attention going to change their mind?

It won't, obviously, which is why stalkers are forced to justify their actions by constructing a denialist fantasy: there's a movie playing in their head all the time in which they are the unsung hero venturing forth on a romantic [aka 'twisted as all fuck'] quest.  Obsessing about your own life is bad enough, but the retardation of personal character required to obssess about someone else's life is simply mind-staggering to the rest of us.  If you think you can somehow control another person's life by sticking your nose into every part of it then you have failed to grasp even the fundamental principles of how humans work.

"Stalking is a Crime?  Back in the 80's we called that dating!" 
Hahahaha!  It's funny because being a needy, scary douche was a social norm then, apparently.  But times have changed and with it the Law.  Well, the laws in my country anyway. 

Here under Federal Law (as per the Criminal Code Stalking Amendment Act, 1999) the legislation describes and defines 'Unlawful Stalking' as conduct that:

a. intentionally directed at a person (the "stalked person"); and


b. engaged in on any 1 occasion if the conduct is protracted or on more than 1 occasion; and


c. consisting of 1 or more acts of the following, or a similar, type-


     i. following, loitering near, watching or  approaching a person;

    ii. contacting a person in any way, including, for example, by telephone, mail, fax, e-mail or through the use of any technology;


   iii. loitering near, watching, approaching or entering a place where a person lives, works or visits;


    iv. leaving offensive material where it will be found by, given to or brought to the attention of, a person;


     v. giving offensive material to a person, directly or indirectly;


    vi. an intimidating, harassing or threatening act against a person, whether or not involving violence or threat of violence;


   vii. an act of violence, or a threat of violence, against, or against property of, anyone, including the
defendant; and


d. that-


     i. would cause the stalked person apprehension or fear, reasonably arising in all the circumstances, of
violence to, or against property of, the stalked person or another person; or


    ii. causes detriment*, reasonably arising in all the circumstances, to the stalked person or another person.

*'detriment' in this case means any actually loss or harm to a person or property.

Like all legalese, this was written in the style of 'confused yet arrogant robot', because courts love that shit.  But what it actually means is that if you are shown to intentionally and persistently bug the fuck out of another human in a way that makes them feel scared, then you may qualify as a stalker.  That's a pretty broad-sweeping definition, but bear in mind that stalkers come in different flavours and operating systems.  Here's a simple breakdown on the various sub-species:

1. Non-domestic stalker: (aka 'Fanzilla') who has no personal relationship with the victim.  This is the classic stereotype that was originally associated with the stalker: a fan obsessed with a ceratin celebrity/public figure/possible cartoon character.  They'd collect anything associated with their idol, convert their room into a shrine, track every piece of gossip, you know the deal.  Then one day the Fanzilla decides the only way they'll truly prove their devotion to [insert famous name] is to buy an illegal firearm, punch the address of the star's preferred day spa into the GPs, and then make the news in a major way.

2. Organized Stalker(s): (aka  'Dedicated Bully') base their actions on calculated, controlled aggression, often as part of a vendetta, ostracisation process or similar fear campaign against a peer.  This variety is often related to 'pack stalking'.  It's not based on a dualistic love/hate motivation, but is a skillfully planned and executed bullying plan designed to exclude the target from whatever workplace/sports club/social group to which they belong.

3. Delusional Stalker: (aka 'Really Fucking Insane, Seriously') is based in a fixation like erotomania or obsessive love, may be psychotic in nature or at least emotionally dysfunctional.  This is serious mental health shit, peppered with scary shrink words like 'attachment disorder', 'Oedipal complex', 'manic depression' and 'compulsive masturbation'.

4. Domestic Stalker: (aka 'Typical Psycho Ex') who either has had a prior relationship with the victim and feels motivated to continue or intensify the relationship, or who otherwise feels entitled to said relationship.  Psycho Ex is a vernacular term, as most domestic stalkers are not clinically psychotic.  They are just really shithouse at not being a fixated fuckwit.
 

Thankfully, Type 5 stalkers ('The Socially Inept and Obese') were hunted to extinction

back in the '90s.

"Great, multiple types of creep, but which is the most dangerous, SD?"
Statistically speaking it's Stalker Type 4 (Domestic).  That's because this kind of scenario - where an ex can't let go - accounts for more cases that the rest put together.  It also sadly tends to feature a higher potential or escalation in violence on the part of the stalker if not dealt with effectively.  We hear about, see or sometimes even experience cases like that from time to time.  And although there are established laws in place to deter stalky types, the associated enforcement and judicial systems can't guarantee an effective hit rate when it comes to preventing some pretty horrible outcomes.  That's the drawback of broad-sweeping laws - too many cracks and loopholes.

Most of your stalkers - the majority Type 4s who are just violently obsessive instead of clinically insane - will fixate on you (a stalkee) because they want power over you. They want to make you adore and submit to them. This is due to their narcissistic entitlement obsession.

"The Narky-what-session?"
Sigh - just read on...

Look, there's two types of people who participate in romantic relationships:

1. Those who think they are somehow magically entitled to that relationship (folks I tend to call 'Disney Cartoons'),

and;

2. Those who know that the relationship demands all manner of hard work and even then there's no guarantee (aka 'Grown Ups').

Domestic stalkers are enhanced versions of the Disney Cartoon category. Think of them as Disney Cartoons with the lot, plus a side serve of night-vision goggles. They are so ignorant that they continue to believe in their enititlement even after the other person has pulled the plug and walked away.  You know, as opposed to counselling, sobbing into a pint glass, writing dark love poems, or just fucking someone like a normal person. Instead, obsessive, highly manipulative and often intimidating behavioural patterns ensue. And, because the nature of the original relationship was always fundamentally emotional (vs purely physical or intellectual), rational arguments will not dissuade a Disney Cartoon type of stalker because he/she is a compulsive, spoilt little cunt*.
*For a given value of 'cunt'. 

Jealousy-powered stalking does not occur within an exclusive demographic - the rich, poor, intelligent or plain dumb are all equally represented in this creepy profile. Stalkering is an equal opportunity vocation, oblivious to race, class, creed, gender or education.

Stalky = Jealousy + Creepy, and it's univeral, just like dandruff.

Stalkers are driven by a deep, self-generated, self-feeding emotional need for control and are unlikely to respond to negotiation due to the addictive nature of their fixation.  And if anything, the more intelligent a stalker the worse they act. IQ doesn't make them socially smarter, it just means they come up with more sophisticated justifications for being a douche.  They lack insight into their own behaviour and simply do not see their actions as stalky in any true sense.  However, most are aware that the outside world might 'naively misconstrue' their activity as being a little weird, which is why they go to great lengths to stalk covertly.  Oh, and chances are they're also developing a nasty dose of paranoia in the process, just to make them even less stable.

If you are targeted, the trick is to avoid becoming as fucked up as them, because do you know what else causes unhealthy degrees of paranoia? Yep, being the target of a stalker.

"Fuck that shit, SD, what's the solution?" 
Hang tight, people, because I want to show you the standard advice first.  According to this official-yet-shitty-looking web page you have no less than 37 options to protect against being stalked.  Most of them come across as sensible enough to a panicky person, but to me they seem a bit impractical and extremely *yawn* boring. 
 
I mean, come on, look at No. 3: "Remove landscaping behind which someone can hide or keep surveillance." That just sounds like a lot of hard gardening work to me. 
 
And then there's No. 33: "Don't give out your Internet password and change it regularly.".  I don't know what an 'Internet password' is, you insanely uninformed information site, so I'm just going to assume you mean any and all forms of identity-reliant online memberships.
 
Then there's my favourite, No. 30: "If you don't want to or know how to use a gun, assess your living space for possible defensive weapons and have them ready."

I love that last piece of advice, partly because it's prefixed with the counter-productive disclaimer "(USA ONLY ALLOWS OWNERSHIP OF GUNS)", but mainly because the two weaponry choices on offer are either firearms (a rather ultimate solution), or whatever you happen to find in your living room:

This means that - if I was the kind of ill-prepared pussy didn't already own a 9mm semi-automatic - I have to end up considering the following combat options:

The plasma TV?  Hell no, Sea Patrol is on tomorrow. 
Coffee table?  Where will I stack my magazines and take-out boxes then? 
Remote control?  Jeezus, I might as well cut my hands off. 
The Nintendo Wii?  Fuck yeah, gay little piece of shit keeps telling me I'm fat.  If I'm so fat, you stoopid game, then how come someone's stalking me, huh?

Your personal armoury.

Read through that linked list carefully and you'll notice one common theme in some of that paranoia-inducing garbage.  It's one that's been recited to kids by softcock parents the world over.  "Just ignore bullies [stalkers] and they'll get bored and leave you alone."
 
No.  Fucking.  Way.
 
Now maybe - under supremely sane circumstances - a supremely sane person hitherto seeking your attention may finally give up if you ignore them a few times.  Maybe.  But Stalker Type 4 doesn't like to be ignored.  He/she actually gets very shitty when he/she is being ignored.  Instead of giving up on the object of their denialist-desire, they will push harder and harder to provoke an attentive response. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I think deliberately ignoring these fucktards is a great idea, but only because it will infuriate the crap out of them, not deter them.  And infuriating people I don't like is hella cool.  But, in place of a protracted list of what effectively reads like a an urban camping list, I would like to offer a philosophical alternative to barricading your doors and digging a crocodile moat around your house.  It's all about your mindset and how you see yourself if targeted by a stalker.
 
"Sounds like psycho-babble, but keep talking..."
In terms both legal and psychological, stalking is considered a form of predation.  Hence the target of a stalker is easily pigeon-holed as 'the prey' or 'the victim'.

Remember the defining part of the crime as pertaining to the stalkee?

"[actions] that would cause the stalked person apprehension or fear... or detriment". 

But once you create or accept the label of 'victim' or 'prey', you choose to disempower yourself and transfer all that power to third party agencies - cops, judges, and (in worse case scenarios) the paramedics.  That may sound adult-like and responsible, but the process really isn't too effective.  Even cops will tell you that off the record. 

Choosing to call yourself a "victim of stalking" equals lame, is what I'm saying.

Remember, you should never brand yourself a victim until they find your body.

Sounds harsh?  So what?  Let's get make it clear here: some fucking retard with a spoilt brat mentality and the emotional maturity of raped kitten is messing with your private life, right?  He/she is keeping tabs on your whereabouts, shadowing you, calling/texting you at weird hours, and trying to sabotage any new relationships you may want to pursue.  He/she will become a constant presence in your world even when they're not around.  Their very existence will haunt you.

And all because you didn't want to be in a relationship with their batshit-crazy ass.

"Yeah, so if we don't want to be the victim, what's the alternative, smart ass?"
Now, you can call this type of predator a 'stalker', 'creep', 'obsessive', 'inappropriate' or whatever.  But I'm telling you right now, anyone who intentionally and repeatedly tries messing in my private life only ever earns one title:

"FOE" 

That's because I don't consider stalking to be a 'nuisance', 'concern', 'behavioural issue' or 'victimisation pattern'. 

No.

As far as I'm concerned it's a fucking Act of War.

It's a fight, a conflict, a counter-insurgency, a critical tactical competition inherent in any hostile, uncontrolled, adversarial process.

It is my desire to be left the fuck alone vs their desire for my attention.  Well, if that's the case, they're about to get attention in spades.

Let me put it this way: imagine certain aspects of your life as a sovereign nation.  Let's call it My Kingdom of Huge Boobies Privacy Land, just for the sake of discussion.  The forces of the Stalker Empire have just crossed your borders and initiated hostile actions against your territory.  Do you:

1. Petition the UN to initiate discussions on support and perhaps embargoes or sanctions against the Stalky incursion? (ie: take the legal system path).

OR

2. Scream and wail to the international media about the horrible atrocities being inflicted against your peaceful country? (post your situation on Twitter/Facebook/forums or the like).

OR

3. Break out the guns, form resistance units and fight for Privacy Land by kicking those invaders the fuck out?  (ie: prep for action).

Fuck you, Stalker Empire, and your dreaded Stalkenpanzers!

The answer, of course is ALL THREE, because when you're defending your privacy, safety and welfare, you should never hold back.

Option 1. Sure, get the restraining order/police reporting process underway asap.  It'll take time and may not yield much for you at first, but at least you can say you told them about the stalker from the start.  Think of this process as your official Record of War.

Option 2. Social networking is a great way to launch a counter-offensive.  Don't play distressed victim - pity gets old fast - but instead spread the truth.  And if you're worried about defamation* then just work around the legal definition.  The first thing you make clear over the public network is that you just filed a police report/restraining order.  You don't have to state who it's against in a public forum, but I'm sure pretty much anyone who knows you will ask you in private.  This part of fighting back is your official Declaration of War.
*Defamation is a statement of described or implied fact that may harm or negatively affect the subject of said statement.  However, this does not apply to statements that are shown to be legally true. 

Option 3. As for your physical/lifestyle defences and counter-attacks, there are so many lovely alternatives.  Some folks will tell you to learn self-defence, buy a big dog, change every lock/account/phone number you have, or even move house.  Fuck all that shit - too much time and hassle involved.  What you need when repelling any invasion force is an army.  The greatest weakness of stalkers is that they tend to operate solo, and hence treat you like an isolated individual too.  However, your greatest strength is that you are a healthily-minded human being, and hence you tend to congregate and operate in groups.  The others in your groups are, in this war, your Allies.  Family, friends, workmates and any other persons with whom you are regularly associated on the basis of mutual benefit, gain or enjoyment.  These folks need to be accurately briefed on your situation because these people will then form your defensive picket (just by being aware and watching out for Stalky).  This is your Mobilisation for War stage. 

Bonded human groups, it's what we, as a species, do and

what stalkers, as idiots, tend to forget.

Once you've mobilised the rest tends to take care of itself.  Depending on how reliable and protective your allies are, your stalker will soon be a readily containable threat instead of some kind of super-villain.  Yes, it does take much in the way of preparation, research, advice and motivation to go to war against this type of freak.  It is not fun, nor easy, nor stress-free.  But anything short of covering your bases, prepping your defences and spread the hard, ugly word is, in the stalker's eyes, inferred consent to continue interfering in your life.