Things I fucking hate: Special Edition

Okay, okay, I know this time I've got the one thing I think we can all agree needs hating.  Two words, plebs: Rebecca fucking Black.

Dunno where she came from who which producer thought that exploiting someone this ordinary was going to be the next Beiber, but I have a sneaking suspision that the back end of the music industry has finally realised the money to be made in irony.  I mean seriously, this idiot's music clip below has reached 10 million Youtube hits.  That makes it meme material simply on the basis that you don't know how stupid the song is until you watch it, AND YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!



If you don't then you won't get all the viral catch phrases that it has spawned.  Thanks, Internet, for proving once against that the only force more powerful than success is fail.  This is 3 minutes and 48 seconds of some plain chick literally just thinking out loud about how the days of the week work.  And, true to the formula that has haunted us for 15 years now, this auto-tuned clusterfuck of nonsense even features this:

A nameless black rapper in a pretend car.

Now when the biggest problem in your short life is procrastinating which car seat to take (EVEN THOUGH THERE IS CLEARLY ONLY ONE SEAT AVAILABLE) then I know that we have finally weaponsied stupidity to Mass Destruction levels.  I don't even weep for the future any more.  The future can go get fucked.  I hope Rebecca Black goes on to become president or some shit, because that's all you deserve, planet Earth.

On a no-less-insane note, a friend of mine, Fiona, was kind enough to forward me what passes for science when it's kidnapped by Marie Claire and summarised to the point of homeopathic dilution.

Okay, marie claire (if that is your real name), you've just told me that one baseless stereo-type has now been superceded by another, slightly different baseless stereo-type.  When you apply arbitrary values (3 years) to generalised occurrences (relationship breakdowns) you know you're in for a fucking hate-fest from the SD, okay? 

And what's with some of the items on that list?  Lack of romance is a passion killer?  You may as well have stated, "Being less passionate results in less passion."  Alcohol - drinking too much: that really required clarification?  And for the love of God, please expand on what you mean by other anti-social bedtime habits.  Surprise butt-rape?  Committing robberies in bed?  Cutting out magazine type to glue to a ransom notes and leaving the scaps on the linen?

Lastly, I just love the term Lapsed fashion.  Because this is marie claire, and not a relationship focused psychology journal, it's pretty much a death sentence once your fashion lapses, am I right, girls?

Look, here's the equation for idiots who don't know how people work:

FAMILIARITY = CONTEMPT

It's quite simple, spending too much time together will send any pair of humans insane.  Any siblings who've been on a long road trip by age 5 know this.  Just give each other a little breathing room and stop whinging about the same fucked up, boring things every day and maybe, just maybe, your spouse will be less inclined to put Rat-Sak in your coffee or dip your tampons in chili sauce.

That's all for today, mouth-breathers, but always remember: ignorance is no excuse for mistakes, it's just a motive to receive a beating.

- SD.