Eyes: the window to the soul, or a gateway to Hell.
The autism debacle
When I entered 'jenny mccarthy' into the searchie on Oprah's site I thought my monitor had started bleeding, but it turned to just be my eyeballs as they scanned down the extensive list of article links. 'Autism blah blah this,' 'Warrior Mother blah blah that'. Look, it's sad that her son may have had a condition that falls within the Autism Spectrum Disorder. And it's terrible that his diagnostic assessments were sparked by a serious grand mal seizure at two and a half. But for her to then embark on a crusade against medical science, a crusade based on clearly and highly evidenced bullshit, doesn't really help her son much. Yes, it's good to raise awarenes about ASD. It's not so good to try convince folks that you know things about the condition that the entire medical community, support services and other families dealing with it don't. And anyway, just like 20% of cases, her son's condition seems to be self-correcting.
Jenny McCarthy, you are not a doctor, you are not a neuro-scientist, and you are not a geneticist. Your self-proclaimed 'mommy instinct' super power, which enabled you to sense something was wrong with your poor son because he was clearly having a chronic fucking seizure right in front of you, is not a real thing. It is merely an attempt by your grieving mind to reassert a sense of power over an uncontrollable circumstance. His suffering and subsequent recovery is not even uncommon - like I said, one in five.
By the way, I detect a distinct lack of autism/vaccination references in the topic search on Oprah's site now. Mention is still made of her previous attacks against vaccination, but they are kept within emotional context for the time they occurred. Funny, isn't it, how so many people were anti-vax for a while thanks to certain uninformed, arrogant fucks. Then the H1N1 swine flu pandemic hit. Oh, so now you're prepared to listen about innoculations are you?
Why I hate her for it
I'm a skeptic and social libertarian. This means I believe adults must account for their behaviour, even if it's only to their own conscience. It also means that extraordinary claims and judgements need proportionately extraordinary evidence to support them, not some raving lunatic screaming gibberish war cries at the very people trained to solve the problems you're blaming them for.
Now, if you're just a run-of-the-mill escaped psych patient standing on a street corner yelling to cars that the government is killing babies' brains with vaccinations, then chances are you won't cause any international panic. But when you're a celebrity, even a B-grade one in this case, your words have power, and that power requires at least a little responsibility. Scaring the world into thinking that vaccinations cause Autism not only sends an unfounded message, it promotes doubt and negligence. Earlier this year a baby in NSW died (in horrifying agony) from infant whooping cough because the local herd immunity failed in a community where other people were actively protesting the use of vaccinations. If you choose not to get your kids vaccinated that's your decision, but if they later suffer for it, or cause suffering to be spread to others who are too young to be vaccinated, then that's also your fault, you ignorant, selfish fuck. Millions of kids die each year due to not being vaccinated (as a result of shortages in medical support, knowledge or resources) against shit that can't usually touch rich countries like ours. Vaccination is a privilege, not a peril.
And I'm not saying this because I've been brainwashed by pharmaceutical companies or the AMA. There are three decisive facts that convinced me that Jenny's fundamental claim is bogus:
1. Hundreds of thousands of patients across the globe have participated in clinical testing that have subsequently shown no indication of vaccines being a causation for autism.
2. Thousands of diagnoses of autism have been made in which the sufferer had never received any vaccinations prior to assessment. Explain that, moron.
3. We don't really know exactly what genetic, neurological and environmental factors do cause this disorder yet. Not me, not the medical profession as a whole, and sure as hell not you, Jenny McCarthy. All we know is what doesn't cause it.
What I love (and by 'love' I mean 'loathe and despise') is how plastic this mediocre celebrity has made herself since joining Camp Oprah. First she declares war on vaccination, then as her son got better and the entire medical community started looking at Oprah with raised eyebrows, Jenny has actually back-peddled a fair bit on the issue. Instead she and the Queen of television have shifted popular focus to things like relationship advice since Jim Carrey decided to get the fuck out of McCarthy Town. This shift allows her to still mix in baffling idiocy like her 'Warrior Mother' stance and continuing stuff about her curing her boy.
Although a restricted diet and vitamin supplements worked well for Evan, Oprah says treatments like these may not be effective for other autistic children. "[It] may work for some, may not work for others," she says. "But that's what the warrior spirit is all about—trying, trying, trying."Trying, trying, trying, eh? As opposed to fervently leaping to the first conclusion you could imagine, right, Jenny? Even your hive queen knows you're crazy. But, my how much you've grown since your initial berserker rage against modern medicine. Or maybe your publicist gently persuaded you that maintaining your rants against the medical sector would inevitably fuck up your Oprah-based career path, what with commercialised medical authority playing an increasing role in the show now.
Hey, your new 'do looks like Farrah Fawcett's hair -
oh shit, it IS Farrah Fawcett's hair!
Relationship advice?
Oh dear god, woman! At least most Oprah's other cohorts pretend to be qualified when dishing out 'how-to' dross about people intent on fingering each other. Jenny is an actor, comedian, playboy centrefold and autism activist thingy. She talks tough about being from the South-side of Chicago, but the reality is that her recent adult years have been spent in the artificial confines of show business. Five years spent soul-mating Jim Carrey doesn't make you a dating expert, it only makes you an expert in dating Jim Carrey.
Reluctant to read anything this souless harridan had wrtitten herself, lest its embedded incantations flay my soul, I had to get get a taste of her dating expertise via video. Here's the link, but be warned, it could turn out like that VHS experience in The Ring.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Jenny-McCarthys-Girlfriends-Guide-to-Dating-Video
Now, allow me to transcribe the initial, key part of that and respond accordingly.
Interviewer: What was your best date ever?
Jenny McCarthy: My best date?
Interviewer: Yeah...
Jenny McCarthy: Ever? [pause then sigh] Have I ever had a date?
Sex Detective: Well I fucking hope so, lady, because you've just published an entire book on the subject. The title of this very interview contains the words 'Guide' and 'Dating', prefaced by your name. And now you're asking people around the room if you've actually had one? If you're trying to be the comedian you claim, then your sense of humour has syphilis. And if you honestly can't recall even having one real-life experience in the very topic in which you profess expertise, then you have repressed the memory due to your last date's spectacularly graphic suicide at the end of the night.
It didn't take me the entire 3 minutes and 39 seconds to reaffirm that Jenny is probably a cyborg still assimilating to human concepts such as spontaniety and fluid conversation. Each question requires her processors to work overtime to formulate a coherent response. At one point I think she says something about breaking a hippie's arm. It's not until towards the end of the clip, when asked her ideal soundtrack for a romantic night, that McCarthy is comfortable enough in her chassis to reply by listing off whatever tracks happen to be on her iPhone at the time.
The thing is, people, there's a reason Oprah and Oprah-esque spin-offs get away with recycling crazy-assed former celebrities on their shows. It's called program classification by category. Just like WWE, if you get your production classed as 'entertainment' then you can pretend to be a sport or, in this case, an education to the audience all you want and not suffer direct liability. And that's all Jenny's appearances are: entertainment, in the absolute broadest sense of the word.
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