Love - the type that's actually interesting, not all that unconditional shit you have with kids and pets (boring!) - generally progresses through three fundamental phases.
1. Infatuation
Yep, the whole crush n' lust phase. You meet someone attractive, your eyes lock, you both smile and idiocy ensues. The woman/man of your dreams is also attracted to you! Great, you (probably) think, that'll let me spent money on chocolates, flowers and grown-up restaurants instead of duct tape, illegal prescriptions and basement sound-proofing. You get all goofy and nervous around each other, check your phone every 5 minutes whenever you're apart, and start acting annoyingly chipper around your friends and colleagues. You also have sex. A lot of it. More than you ever will later in the relationship. Entire weekends are spent boning and ignoring the chafing so you can bone some more. Well done, you've just turned your life into a Disney/porn hybrid of romance.
A,k.a the fun, clumsy bit.
2. Bonding
So, 3-6 months have passed and you guys are settling into a routine. You've met each other's families and friends, and you're now universally accepted as a 'couple'. Those initial buzzes you felt around each other are waning, and instead are replaced by an expectation of reliability and cohesion. You start to share emotional information not just about your past but also about your mutual future. You'll spend more time but less sex together because you're learning to accept each other as comprehensive people (including each other's flaws, habits, traits and dreams). Sooner or later you'll move in together just to kick it to the next level. Co-operation becomes a priority and co-dependence creeps in.
3. Familiarity
After a few years you'll realise that your identities have merged. You've learned everything about the other pseron that you ever will for now, so it's a case of living and working together as one. You can happily leave the toilet door open while conversing with your partner. You may also have a couple of kids kicking around. The whole of your relationship is now greater than the sum of its parts. Congratulations, you are now your parents, the circle is complete.
Exceptions to the rule
It doesn't work like this for everyone, of course, and it doesn't always run the full course. Some couples start off as platonic friends and hence bypass the whole silly infatuation phase because they've already bonded on a deeper level that would make dating ironically hilarious. Funnily enough, although in the minority, these often prove to be the most successful relationships of all. You have already bonded emotionally and socially, you already know all about each other, and you already trust each other because you're friends. It's also the difference between loving someone because they're beautiful, and them becoming beautiful because you have learned to love them. I've only come across a couple of instances where this has occurred (big shout out to Shaz and Stu, by the way) but it's fantastic to see and often explains why second marriages work so well.
Other couples have trouble transitioning from bonding to familiarity because being familiar with a partner means tolerating every little annoyance all the time. You put any two adults in the same house for a few years and irritability is inevitable. Some people just can't hack that, and after a drawn out campaign of idiosynchrocratic attrition one or the other decides that splitting up is healthier than fighting homicidal urges. Living together is not the same as growing together, and learning to do the latter synergistically is what makes all the difference.
Marriage
We are only ever as good as the promises we make, which is why I rarely used the P-word. In my culture an oath carries mucho weight, and breaking an oath carries harsh consequences in terms of social status. That's also why I belive that marriage as an institution is a noble decision. Look, before you get all "What? The Sex Detective is pro-archaic ritual/religious dogma?" just shut your fucking holes for a second and hear me out. In the 21st Century of Western society you can take or leave marriage as you wish. No one's forcing people to get hitched. Hell, most of you are pro-marriage anyway because you support that right to be afforded to deserving gay couples, right? All I'm saying is that I think it's a pity that sometimes people decide to get married for stupid reasons like keeping their families and/or gods happy instead of doing it to publically declare their intrinsically motivated long-term committment for each other.
Goddammit, Japan, I was trying to make a serious point here.
Rant: Hell, I've known some girls who get more excited and obsessed about the wedding than the actual marriage. Fuck you, princess, if you're going to burst into tears because the flowers don't match the table cloths on your wedding day then chances are you don't deserve the man patient enough to put up with your spolit brat attitude anyway.Every serious decision we make in life is a test of our true character. If you decide to get married then make damn sure that you understand one fundamental truth: marriage serves to celebrate committment, not reinforce it. Signing that piece of paper won't magically make you a better couple, only you can do that. Ever since 'no fault' divorce laws came into effect, that piece of paper can be thrown in the bin at any time for any reason that constitutes irreconcilable differences. So give it some serious fucking thought, people, instead of day-dreaming about white picket fences and and a 'set and forget' lifestyle, because when you finish walking down that aisle the real work is just beginning.
The secret is to kieep it fresh by not wearing anything under your blankets.
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