I've been pounding some of the mass market relationship columns lately, but the fact is these asinine advice pushers would all have to work real jobs if their clientele weren't so weird or stupid. Here I have a couple of questions found on http://www.guyspeak.com/. Guyspeak is a somewhat less offensive relationship advice site in that it offers a panel of consultants who do not profess any expertise other than their own experience. Each 'guy' is arch-typal, but their responses are typically genuine and often contrary. My favourites are 'Mystery Man' (brutally abrasive and amoral) and 'Funny Guy' (because Michael Swaim is an established web comedian who otherwise produces hilarious videos). Today I'll ramble on about some adultery/morality shit.
But first...
Okay, say you meet the girl of your DREAMS. After 2 years of dating, you find out that she was born with a vagina AND a vestigial penis. However, she had the penis removed at birth. She can still have babies. What do you do?
The respondent to this question reassures the contributor that it doesn't matter and that love will out regardless of what secrets come to light in the process of honest disclosure. I, on the other hand, am just like you. The term 'vestigial penis' is now imprinted inside my skull, along with 'penile fracture' and 'menopausal anal hair'. It's in the same part of my brain where those nightmares about clowns from Cirque de Viol lurk, just below my consciousness, always waiting for me to fall sleep. The rational part of my mind attempts to empathise and placate concern on the basis of not seeming shallow. Meanwhile, that primal part of me, inherited from a thousand generations of instinctive sexual repulsion, is screaming 'Run! Run until you find something heavy to hit it with!'.
Then again, she can have babies. Mutant, tentacle-cunted babies. Excellent.
Oops, I cheated
My affair of one year was discovered by my hubby of 20 years. My lover and I were going to get divorces and move in together. Now that we are caught, he won't do it. I never thought of leaving before, and with my "out" gone, I've nowhere to go. Why do I still want to leave?
A Guyspeak guy answers this with what is basically 'you're unhappy, otherwise you wouldn't have committed adultery in the first place'. Fair enough, but surely only politeness restrains him from pointing out the sheer schizophrenic nature of this question. Within 3 sentences this woman clearly contradicts herself. But my interest was in the part where she says her lover has chickened out from leaving his own spouse. This is not uncommon with men who get caught cheating by their wives. Before you rabid bitches on the sidelines start roaring "the wife should kick his ass to the curb!", shut your holes for a second while I explain how moral power works.
Morality in Adultery
Relationship morality is enforced by praise (rewards for doing the right thing) and guilt (for when you fuck up in a major way). Can you imagine how nicer marriages would flow if your partner sat you down once in a while and said "I want to thank you for once again not cheating on or betraying me with anyone else, I really appreciate your committment."? But pride doesn't let people do that. They rely too much on trust guilt aversion instead.
If you are part of that 90% of adulterers stupid enough to get caught cheating then you have just handed your spouse the moral equivalent of a .44 magnum, loaded with very expensive divorce bullets. In cases of adultery, the only way the guilty party can even begin to hope for a moral resolution is to confess to his actions before their significant ot otherwise finds out. She'll still be just as pissed, but naughty hubby still retains the remaining moral virtue of remorse through his admission. If she finds out about his dick crimes against 3rd party vaginas by other means then he's dead in the water. See, there are two perfectly good reasons why a cunning wife will not simply and reactively divorce a cheating husband: 1) she suddenly gains the balance of moral power over him, and 2) she also gets to show 'that slut' that she is more important to him. That's 2 wins to her. Some people forgive, but no one ever forgets. See, the weakest part of any man is not his cock but his conscience. It's weak for letting him cheat in the first place, then weak for allowing it to be exploited when the truth comes out.
Monogamy?
Ever had anyone try to tell you that humans are meant to mate for life? Complete bollocks, of course. That phenomenon may occur with certain types of bird, but it's irrelevant to us. You may have noticed that humans tend to operate in pack, tribe, colony or herd groupings. Group based mammals tend to share sex around. The alpha male(s) get first crack at the females, but the rest of the males get their turn as well. That way a herd whose alpha is actually shooting blanks doesn't inadvertently die out. We are not built for unconditional monogamy, despite what marriage proponents insist. Instead, the best we can morally aim for is serial monogamy. That's where you have consecutive sex partners without overlap. We're expected to have more than one shot at a sex-based relationship if necessary. Even traditional marriage vows state 'until death do us part', allowing widows or widowers to remarry. Of course, the modern interpretation of that clause is 'until death, divorce or whatever other reason do us part'. If you and your spouse do manage to keep it together for 60 years with no indiscretions or sexual threats to the relationship then congratulations for finding someone who is as equally sexually repulsive to the rest of the species as you are.
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