Sex Detective vs The Woman Saver

Meet online expert in online dating and infidelity, Stephany Alexander.  Seriously, Steph, there's a degree for that now?  She's appeared on talk shows and news casts you don't give a shit about to promote whatever it is she sells and to save women from those evil, cheating incubi otherwise known as men.

Here's Steph.  She cares about women.  She doesn't want

them wasting money on bad men.  It cuts into her profit

margin.

Prologue
Before I get into this I want to make a couple of things absolutely clear.  I'm not about condoning or criticising infidelity per se.  That's not my call.  Every occurrence is unique to the individuals involved, and may concern a plethora of emotional, psychological, social and sexual factors blah-blah-blah.  No, what concerns me is how people exploit this all-too-common problem by offering ill-conceived, neurotic instructions on how to counter-attack possible cheaters, as evidenced in my last post.  The advice protrayed on my blog is intentionally satirical and ironic, because humour is the most effective way to present you with the horrible things humans might do to each other in sex-based relationships.  When I was training in Investigative Services (yep, the spoiler is that the Sex Detective has actually been trained in detective work and was even awarded top of his year by the then Minister of Police, so fuck you) there was a common saying among investigators.  Their's is the second oldest profession (after prostitution), and that the first client was a cave woman who suspected Mr Mungo of getting a bit on the side.  The word 'investigator' literally means 'one who seeks the truth'.  Unlike today's subject, I'm not an 'online dating and infidelity expert', but I'm a fucking prodigy when it comes to recognising that easy answers are often the stupidest.

The Sex Detective: clearly a fucking prodigy, and never proven to have

black-mailed the occasional Police Minister.

The Woman Saver
So, Stephany Alexander, what easy answers do you have for all those women who don't know how to think for themselves?

This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affairs are not about sex.

Aaand so it begins.  It might come as a complete surprise to you, Ms Alexander, that sex is exactly what affairs are all about, otherwise it wouldn't be an affair.  I've mentioned this before, but I'm always happy to repeat myself: people do not get upset about their spouse NOT having sex with other people.  At least not to any dramatic degree.  Only infantile control freaks really stress about hubby talking to other people.  He kinda has to do that on a daily basis if he is to function in society.  It's the moment that his interaction becomes sexualised that the worrying starts.

...men don't necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.

This is the typical kind of crap designed to bolster the self-esteem of cheat victims.  The term 'attractive' is a uniquely individual and relative term when it comes to sex-based relationships.  If a cheater chooses to sleep with another woman instead of his spouse then, by fucking definition, he finds that other woman more attractive.  Just because a wife looks hot doesn't mean she's the more attractive option.  I have a beautiful sculpture of a dragon on my shelf, but I challenge anyone with a forensic UV lamp to find more than a couple of cum stains on it.  That tube sock in the corner, however...

Steph has an insightful section explaining the top ten reasons why guys cheat.  It's all rudimentary, obvious stuff that can't be argued with because we've heard it all before a thousand times.  You can read it here if you need a refresher on how much men suck.  Precursing this list, though, is the following, thinly cushioned diatribe:

Almost all men know that cheating is wrong, yet many they still do it. Men will blame their reasons for cheating on their genes and their necessity to reproduce. However, aren't we suppose to be further evolved than a chimp? Shouldn't we be able to control our bodies through our minds and conscious decisions

Cheating is wrong!  What are you, a chimpanzee?  Stop blaming your lecherous ways on some unspecified genetic urge to procreate, Earthling man!  This isn't the Dark-Chimp Ages anymore, penis-weilder, control your body with your mind through your consciousness via your psyche.  Now!

Moral Philosophy for the Indignant & Self Righteous
This is all the simple exploitation of one emotion: jealousy.  Jealousy is the fear of losing something or someone we have gained, as opposed to envy where we desire something/someone gained by another party.  And jealousy has more to do with your personal, moral ambiguity than most people care to admit.  We're less likely to admit that a certain behaviour is morally reprehensible if it benefits us in some way, and far more inclined to take the moral high ground if a behaviour works to our personal disadvantage.  It's easy for crusading salespeople like Stephany to talk about 'right' and 'wrong' or 'good' and 'bad'.  It's a little bit tougher to undertand about moral convenience and inconvenience.

Cheating is a multi-billion dollar business.  Talk shows, reality tv scams and countless web resources like Ms Cumdumpster's here collectively make millions every day on the topic.  Then you get the recent wave of 'peace of mind' services, the retarded, mean-spirited cousins of real investigators who run honey-trap scams.  For a four-figure fee these vampires will wire up and deploy a busty operative to attempt to seduce your partner into a potential sexual indiscretion.  These fucks aren't actually breaking any laws unless physical sexual contact occurs, but the pretense of solicitation still remains, even if it's you paying the bill.  Acting on the premise that disempowered women crave revenge fantasies, such entrapment services succeed by first seducing you, the customer.  Crazy stats on how some men, like your hubby, sometimes want to fuck around, and how the best way to sleep at night is to send in a disingenuous, cock-teasing bitch to chat him up til he admits the fact.  Such professionals are maggots feasting on the diseased, woeful creature that is already your relationship.  Never mind that you could spend a fraction of that money on getting some real, constructive help, say from a qualified relationship counsellor (or savvy lawyer, you're pessimistic).  No, it's far better to feed the fears within your suspicious soul, because believe you me, even if the licenced cock-tease turns up a no-result on that one particular occasion, you'll still have doubts.  I mean, you wouldn't have hired her in the first place unless you already mistrusted your man.  

But we, as a Western culture, love this 'catch the cheater' shit, and here's why. 

In this pic the bike represents infidelity, the crash is the

cheater getting caught.  And the umbrella?  Pure fucking

irony.

Remember being in a school classroom and some poor kid got publicly chastised by the teacher for being naughty?  Remember that sickly sweet feeling you had: on the one hand you felt cringingly embarrassed for the kid, but on the other it was so cool that she/he was having their sins uncomfortably exposed instead of your own?  It's a psychological phenomenon called Schadenfreude, where that less virtuous part of our minds that gets a neurochemical reward for revelling in the misery and discomfort of others.  The really dark part is that our brains get excited about this first, and then we make up reasons to morally justify the pleasure.  You know, just like how a married man meets someone else he fancies and then makes up reasons to try his luck.  It's pre-emptive retribution by proxy, a moral rationalisation for that afore-mentioned and most irrational emotion of all - jealousy.

So, please, check out http://www.womansavers.com/ and wallow in the angst, paranoia and smugness of her site.  Become empowered in the most bitter way possible and victims astound you with sage warnings, cautionary tales and gender cynicism.  Readers will notice that Steph has a huge disclaimer about how all contributions remain the intellectual property of the contributors - that's her free speech escape clause to avoid libel suits, especially in the 'Rate-A-Guy'* section where unhappy women 'out' past dates by posting pictures of guys who turn out to be lying creeps or something.

Epilogue: The Other Woman
Here's a common myth that needs busting wide open.  'She's trying to steal my man!'  Maybe, but also maybe not.  The smarter than average, unmarried woman may develop a discreet, sex-based relationship with a married man because it gives her total control over the affair, allowing her to walk away the moment she gets bored or finds a real love interest.  Married men have a lot to offer in a casual relationship: they tend to be otherwise stable members of society, they're obviously full of excess sexual energy, and most importantly - they're guilty as all hell.  Should he protest the inevitable dissolution of the affair the other woman can, with a single phone call or email, destroy his life with little fallout to her own.  This is mainly because she knows the truth: no man wants to be caught out unless it's on his terms.  And love it or hate it, my friends, this other woman has attained real empowerment.

*not to be confused with the 'Rape-A-Guy' dating site run by the US Dept of Corrections.