Happy Dress-up Like a Dick Day

Halloween isn't a particularly big deal in this country, but we do love our costume parties.  I've neen a spaceman, cross dresser, toga boy, superhero, centurion and, more commonly, a masked Sex Detective.  But while investigating the seemingly universal urge to play dress-ups, I've encountered some images that just baffle me.

Pets
Animals are an infinite source of joy and companionship, yet time and time again owners feel compelled to test the age-old question: "Given enough shame, can my pet become suicidal?"



This one just fucking scares me.  Bad enough that dog owners can't help but exploit their pets for cheap laughs, but this example is actually creepy.  I'm sorry, but if I saw this thing trotting my way in a dark alley I simply wouldn't stop shooting until I found enough petrol to burn its remains.

How is this not abuse?  What are you trying to achieve here, hilarious pug owner?  The poor little fella obviously isn't comfortable being weighed down by this monstrosity, and all your friends will think is that you're showing them what happens when you feed a dog ass-first to a croc.



As you can see by this dog's wall-eyed expression, its still recovering from the tazing required to get it strapped into this complicated get-up.

Hey, what expression best captures the process of stuffing a puppy into a bird suit then making it look into a mirror?

If you're going to humiliate your pet with a costume, try to ensure that it's something people are familair with, okay?  Or at least clearly labelled.  Otherwise you end up with this.
I mean, what the fuck is it meant to be?  Those... things sticking out of its head - eye stalks? antennae? inflatable horns?  I'll never know.  The only vague, horrible guess I can offer is that Rufus is meant to be a Pokemon.  But dressing up dogs as Pokemons just to watch them fight is so wrong.  WRONG!

This cat's expression is not uncommon when experiencing an existential crisis.

  

Superheroes

Holy calories, Batman!
In this alterante universe Batman & Robin fight Ronald McDonald instead of the Joker.  They fight him a lot, like twice a day and also at breakfast time on weekends.

Unfamiliar with the concept of metaphors, these Japanese heroes have literally just come out of the closet.  And to drive the point home they made sure to don their penis helmets, mankinis and... giant magnets?

Just how ambiguous does your costume have to be if you need to emblazon the chest with a titled portrait of the hero you're trying to emulate?  "Hi, kids, I'm Aquaman.  You can tell by the photo of me wearing something completely different on my suit.  Sure, I wear a face mask, complete with its own face, but only on my crotch as part of my bail conditions."

Bi-polar mood affective disorder is a serious mental illness and should not be mocked in this fashion.














Star Wars

I have a sinking feeling this guy got his mates to papier mache this dodgy piece of crap around his body just outside whatever low expectation conference he was attending.  Where are his arms?  Poor dude can't even defend himself on the long walk home after learning the hard way he can no longer fit through a bus door.

C-3PO, Chewie and Darth Vader are iconic figures from a sci-fi classic.  So why did it take me a little while to work out out who these fucks were trying to be?  Here we have three stoners who left their creative ideas to the last minute.  Darth has the right helmet, but looks like he taped a CD player to his chest.  C-3PO has somehow managed to look like an 8-bit video game version of himself.  And is that kitchen bin with a glued-on light at the bottom of the shot meant to be R2-D2?  The Wookie-girl, having never seen the most popular space opera of all time, based her efforts on a brief, descriptive text message she received at 3am the night before.

And here we have all your favourites in the one shot: There's Jabba's dancing girl getting ready to suck cock Yoda, R2-Dustbin, Darth Ned Kelly, the box that C-3PO originally came in, Princess Leia weilding a light sabre just like she never did on screen, and a guy wearing sunglasses and a garbage bag.