Meet Donna Barnes. She's a Dating/Relationship/Life Coach and Television Expert. She's a Coach Expert thingy because she's had relationships before and also did some kinda coaching course through some Life Coaching Course place in New York.
As you can see by her picture, Donna is a pretty girl, even if she doesn't really understand how cleavage works. Her website tells you what TV shows she's an expert for, as well as promoting her coaching services and some book with a clumsy title.
What Donna has a lot of is advice. An entire eHow channel of the shit, where the complexities of adult relationships are broken down to minute-long answers. I'm talking really brief, which means she's incredibly good at her spiel, or this 'advice' is possibly a little simplistic. Let's find out.
Hmmm, sage advice. For retards. Not that the advice per se is retarded, just the obvious target audience. Actually, Donna, your advice on being in love sorta sounds a little like what I felt for my toy dog when I was five.
ysabellabrave
askchauntel
askdrpaul
Meet Ysabella. She has a thing for nice guys. I think.
"Sometimes you have to let them know, because if you don't let us know, we won't know, okay?" Okay, Ysabella, there's a few things I want to let you know, but I'm too distracted by the wind chimes tied to your ears, not to mention the hilarious introductory story about you wearing celebrity sunglasses. Heh, stickers, too funny. Ysabella has her own channel, complete with a bizarrely self-indulgent, multi-portrait wall paper of her head stuck in a sock. Also, most of her clips there have that soft-focus, 1970's porn effect, like she's broadcasting from heaven.
Anyway, Ysabella is pro-nice guys, provided they're pro-Ysabella. I don't have to draw you a Venn diagram to show what a tiny demographic that would be.
askchauntel
Now meet Chauntel. She also has something to say about nice guys. Several things, in fact. But beware, viewers, the following has been post-edited with tile overlays and transition wipes.
Look I accept that what Chauntel had to say probably makes sense to a lot of intelligent women out there. Women want a guy who is protective but not controlling but in control. And a guy who is argumentative without fighting but with a backbone and who puts women in their place. Or whatever. To the rest of us simpletons her spiel is just dangerously confusing. WE HEAR YOUR WORDS, CHAUNTEL, BUT THEY BAFFLE US! WHAT IS IT YOU WANT? IS IT CAKE? SOMEBODY GET CHAUNTEL SOME CAKE!
askdrpaul
I was starting to think I just don't understand female advice, so let's get some from a male professional who holds a doctorate in Behavioral Psychology and a martini with grace.
As Hugh Hefner's decoy android, Dr Paul knows a lot about relationships. His 1957 approach to psychology makes life pretty fucking straight-forward. He concedes that people may be able to modify their behaviour (otherwise his PhD would be somewhat redundant) but that they can never change. Sure, thousands of rehabilitative and correctional services out there may disagree, but Paul is simply too drunk to care. In his world the best advice comes from an old dude wearing a dressing gown and getting shit-faced on a sofa, or in other words, your creepy uncle.
There are good reasons why the Sex Detective doesn't do vlogs. You've just watched four of them.
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