Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Kidd's Kristian Film Trailer Experience

Full Disclosure
I'm not particularly pro or anti-religious.  Not really.  Sure, I have a few problems with the ignorant vitriol spouted by the religious right, but that applies to several religions, not just Christianity.  Whether they're praying for bushfires to consume abortionists or flying planes into buildings, very little good comes from putting archaic doctrine before humans.  I acknowledge religion as a historical force that has shaped our civilisation and contributed to many of the social norms we take for granted today.  However, clinging onto concepts that have either been soundly disproven by hard science or made redundant by rational humanism does little to endear these various gods to modern people.

Fundamentalist Christianity has always intrigued me.  I've visited their churches, had coffee in their homes, and watched them do their tongue-speaking, faith-healing, demon-exorcising performances in various circumstances.  For the most part they seem to be good people.  Sorry, I mean well-intentioned people.  Like anyone, they want the best for their kin and to protect their families from harm.  We all have coping mechanisms to help make the world seem safer, as if by defining the dangers therein somehow gives us power over them.  Some folks cling to political authority, others to a god of some sort.  The point is, we fear those we cannot control so we attribute values such as 'terrorist' or 'sinner'  to them.  These film trailers I found provide some examples of what some Christians seek to control.

Teen Pregnancy
Somehow this is still a spiritual and social issue in the 21st Century.  While the rest of us have accepted that teenage, unmarried pregnancy is no less common or more distressing than headlice, some Christian film makers still think it's a huge moral dilemma.



Here's the problem inherent in the evils of pre-marital sex.  In modern western culture there is absolutely no reason why pregnancy should be a punishment for sex.  We've developed so many ways to help stop that from happening that you would have to be raised by Pentecostal wolves not to know how contraception works.  Now I'm sure the characters in this heart-wrenching drama eventually get over their whining and guilt to come to a loving resolution (or a loveless marriage) with the help of some old book, but really, why are Christians dressed and acting like it's 1983?

Persecution Complex
This trailer is just insane.



From what I can tell it's about some Bizarro version of the US where Christianity is not by far the most prevalent faith in that country.  The government is the enemy, political correctness is the facist ideology out to destroy the righteous, and some dude in surplus-store army camo is the secret police who tortures middle-class white kids for believing in God.  This kind of scare-mongering not only agitates the nuttiest of religious right idiots, it's a direct insult to every religious minority who actually have been persecuted for their faith.  They even bastardise quotes from Malcolm X.  Malcolm fucking X!  Just how ignorant do you have to be to quote a pioneer like him, a guy who was 1) not very middle-class and white at all, and 2) definitely and proudly not a Christian?  If this were an ironic parody it would be in appalling taste, but unfortunately it's something even worse.

God Hates Bullies
City of Angels meets The Karate Kid.  Or something.



This looks as awesome as it does baffling.  Kid gets picked on for being an uncool Christian.  Kid gets schooled by imaginary Japanese bushido types.  Kid summons an army of angels.  This film seems to be what you get when a revenge fantasy for 14 years olds gets written by 12 year olds.  "And then he gets transported to samurai school where he masters all martial arts, and then he comes back to face the bully, and then a host of kick-ass looking angels appear, and then he gets superpowers as well."

I can't even begin to reconcile how a clearly Christian kid film can incorporate Japanese warrior ethos.  Bushido has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus.  Feudal Japan, samurai, ninjas, and (painfully caucasian looking) grandmasters have fuck all to do with the Abrahamic God.  Shinto, maybe, but not Christianity.  It would be like Thor teaching Muslim kids how to throw magic hammers at infidels.

But Also Loves Bullies?
Remember back in 1970 when you and the rest of your pre-pubescent pals could hang with some old dude down the street and no one called the cops?



For is it not written in the Book of Pussies that, "If your enemy takes a piece of your pizza, offer him two."

Fuck you, old man, I'm summoning a gang of Ninja Angels.

Fuck Knows?
Christian film makers produce art-house horror movies now?  Who knew?



I dunno, maybe it's an attempt to appeal to Goths or something.  Sure as hell looks depressing.

Science
Aaand here we go.  A film that seeks to unify creationsim and evolution.



The trouble with the false argument that Science is somehow the enemy of Faith, is that one is that the latter is a doctrine while the former is a process.  Science does not have all the answers - that's the whole point - but it is a fucking great way to ask the right questions.  It is a system of continuous improvement based on observable facts, trial and error, and deduction.  It doesn't rely on easy answers but pain-staking truths.  Every human made thing within your current line of sight is a result of the scientific method - testing, experimentation, recording and documenting the results so they could be passed down and revised.  The very process that so many faithers revile as a threat to their mythology is responsible for the quality of life they get to enjoy today.  But the Bible is not a science book.  It really isn't. 

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