Saturday, February 19, 2011

Sex Detective vs Vin DiCarlo, chapter one.

Last issue:  In a fit of boredom I choose to launch an investigation into self-promoted sleazy cunt seduction guru, Vin DiCarlo.  Meanwhile, my differently unenabled PA (Probably Autistic) Ivan researches this twat's products and services.

Bwahahahahaha!

Look at what you get when you google wiki search for the world's greatest seductionist!

http://deletionpedia.dbatley.com/w/index.php?title=Vin_DiCarlo

Yep, wiki entry for Mr DiCarlo was deleted because it was nothing more than a self-promoting ad for whatever magical 'psychology of seduction' he peddles.

 Anyway, fuck that shit, let's have a close-up look at whatever his business empire is called - that's right, DiCarlo Diclassified Inc.  What the fuck does that even mean to real grown ups?  And if that's the registered company name why is his web address http://www.vindicarlo.com/ ?  I smell that particular species of narcissism inherent in online ego branding.  Instead of passe credentials like post grad qualifications, peer reviewed journal articles or spearheading a few clinical trials, DiCarlo's mastery of all things pussy-related come from "years of experience", "being mentored other [sugar-momma-fucking] masters", and "learning from the best".

In a nutshell, Vin promises to teach any hetero guy to become a master seductionist capable of charming any chick, wooing any heiress, and bathroom-fucking a shitload of co-eds.  I'm talking A LOT of promises, bloody reams of promises, padded out with his own tawdry tales and testimonials by possibly real people who claim an impossible change in their love lives after reading/listening to/workshopping Vin's patented techniques.

More on his sexual psych-babble later.  First here's Ivan's products investigation report from Mr DiCarlo's site.
Thanks to Ivan's official diminished capacity I'm not liable for any of this shit!

Okay, not as if that qualified as a report, Ivan, but at least you grabbed some advertising stuff regarding the tosser's popular book: The Attraction Code.
Yikes, I stole a glance at the source page for Ivan's scrapbook approach to document evidence and he wasn't kidding, the ad/promo page for this book goes on forever.  Standard online product backstory format that you'll encounter any time you accidentally follow a 'click-ads' links.  Snippets of content description interspersed with encouraging anecdotes, testimonials and emotive pleas.  Oh, and as usual, you didn't even know you had a problem with women until Vin explained that normal men are meant to fuck at least 10 a week just to qualify as a healthy male.  Otherwise you're clearly a eunuch.  Or telling the truth.

There's a few other books, of course, and some audio book crap samples, plus something called a S-Cubed pack that'll turn you into some sort of pussy threshing machine.  Then there's this:

The back story on this product, as relayed by the ever hip Vinnie-baby, is a pseudo-scientific journey into the fetid brains of Gen Y misogynists who will stop at nothing to conquer women using mind games, trigger phrases, borderline stalky persistence and a whole bag of other promises that will turn even the smartest vag-owner into putty in your sweaty, soiled hands.  No Flakes is a set of dvds designed to guarantee that, once scoring a girl's phone number, you will have her chasing your dong in no time.  How?  Well, Vin and one of his fellow super villians (you'll get to meet them soon) spent thousands of hours and dollars experimenting with texting until they came up with perfect SMS messages that can be copied & pasted off the discs to suit any occasion.  And this is what concerns me.  The likes of DiCarlo profit from the inadequacies of guys by convincing them that romantic/sex-based relationships are a PSY-OPS campaign, a battle of wits and wills.

Anyway, that No Flakes "how to psychically control a woman via SMS" bullshit will set you back US $297.00.  That's assuming of course you don't know how P2P torrents work.  In fact, locating 'shareable' copies of all Vin's bollocks was pleasantly quick when I had a couple minutes to spare.  They appear in the first half dozen relevant Google results for a start.  So, you know, fuck you, Vin.

The DiCarlo Seduction Team
Admittedly, even Vin with all his mojo, knowledge, skills and ego cannot manage the business juggernaut of DiCarlo DiClassified by himself.  He has by his side a crack team of seduction commandoes or some such, each with their own specialised womanising techniques.  Apparently.  I mean, shit, these guys are classified - sorry, DiClassified - as 'Trainers' but the bio page for each doesn't even include their surnames let alone any indication of what they ever did for a real job.

Brian
Brian has a psychology degree.  Brian is a big believer in the 'natural game' - a term you'll come across a lot amongst DiCarlo and his acolytes.  Best I can tell, 'natural game' is an organic approach to getting women into bed, as opposed to all that genetically modified chick-pulling you see around the place.  Most importantly, Brian is a great guy with really altruistic intentions.  I know this because his 'bio' says:
"he can explore pickup as a springboard for personal growth, utilizing positive energy and making real connections with the people around him, instead of hiding behind a false persona or collection of manipulative routines."
Once you read all about Brian and the brief testimonials regarding his awesomeness you can almost believe that desperate jerks aren't paying him $450.00 a pop to learn false personae or a collection of manipulative routines.



Heartwork
Heartwork?  Fucking 'Heartwork'?  That's his name?  But wait, it gets better.  Check this out:
"On top of that, Heartwork is officially the youngest professional pick-up artist and dating coach in the world."
Just how the hell are euphemisms for 'I fuck a lot of chicks' an official world title that can be based on an unstated age?
Once again there's several references to his approach also being 'natural', like sex is a renewable resource instead of, you know, sex.  He's a prodigy, apparently, who can teach you "the right tools and mindsets to attract the woman of your dreams in such a way the remains internalized and truly natural."
I have no idea what I just quoted, but after spending 30 seconds on Heartwork's bio page I feel compelled to beat that stupid-ass hat off that youngest-douche-in-the-world head of his.



Matt
Matt is Australian and is reportedly incredibly famous over here, especially since becoming a 'Master level Pick Up Artist'.  Did chatting up girls suddenly become a martial art?  He's also a 'personal coach' who teaches guys how to become highly successful or some shit.  I don't know you, Matt, and I'm pretty well versed in most famous Australians, what with me living in that country all my life.  Instead, I'm shelving you in the category of 'glorified wanker' simply because your site portrait there looks like it was taken at a boring backyard barbeque.
I'm not even going to waste a quote from your bio, Matt, that's how little I think of you.

Look, the bottom line is that DiCarlo and his band of nooky-ninjas charge money to teach you how to get laid.  That has to be some sort of fucked-up, ass-backwards prostitution scam that's too confusing to be outlawed, but it still reeks of wrongness.  I could literally start an academy that teaches men how to straight-out pay hookers with counterfeit cash and I'd still feel cleaner than delving into this crap.

Next Issue: Private Coaching and Client Reviews!



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