Welcome, and prepare to step back in time...scientifically speaking.
I'v never visited the KCM, and their own site doesn't give much away picture wise, but plenty of amised tourists have kindly opted to share their experience visually by posting photos all over the web. The sum result is an educational adventure where we learn how evolutionists got it all wrong, and how a grade school teacher explains that the Bible is actually a science book, unlike, you know, those big, confusing science books written by scientists.
The Seven C's
To fully understand the rationale behind Ken's version of, well, everything, you must first accept the premise that our planet - and the rest of the universe - is approximately 6 000 years old. During this time several important things happened. Seven in fact:
The seven alliterative epochs of history.
Creation = Zap! Instant world, Corruption = Disobedient woman eats fruit, Catastrophe = Flooding everywhere, Confusion = Jews doing lots of old timey things, Christ = Birth of the messiah, Cross = How Jesus felt when they nailed him to some wood, Consummation = Er, people consuming things, I guess.
See, nice and easy.
Sure, SD, but if the Earth is only 6 000 years old, how do they explain dinosaurs?
Hah! Stupid evolutionist! The KCM is all about explaining dinosaurs, heathen-fucker. It even explains why multi-ton lizards weren't specifically mentioned in the Bible.
See, dinosaurs were around, just not important enough to name, got it?
Adam only had a few hours to name things, so he wasn't going to waste time on non-domesticated critters like dinosaurs and whatever the hell 'creeping things' are - probably bugs and rats and stuff. Anyway, just know that dinosaurs not only existed at the same time as early humans but actually did so with them.
Look, it's Eve playing with Velociraptors, possibly 'hide and seek' or tag.
Okay, but Jurassic Park tells us that some dinosaurs aren't very friendly.
Idiots of damnation! The Bible makes it perfectly clear that dinosaurs, like every other animal back then, were vegetarians because God didn't want anyone to die. He's a real gentleman that way.
BAM! In your face, paleontology!
Green herbs were the universal diet for everything. It might not be very exciting, but it certainly was "very good".
I see, but a lot of paleontologists have very different opinions to this, don't they?
Maybe, but I think this plaque should set you straight, retarded infidel.
Dinosaur stuff isn't as hard as science makes out - all you need is a few clues.
Well, then , if dinosaurs were around only a few thousand years ago how did they die out?
Isn't it fucking obvious? The Great Flood! Drowned the lot of them. Even the ones... that, you know... lived... under water somehow. Noah gathered together two of every animal (except dinosaurs because they were probably too big) and stowed them in his zoo boat, remember?
A cutaway model of the ark, which was really bigger
than an oil tanker and probably smellier.
That's why all we had left were their very fast forming fossils to remember them by. And all the oil they now bless us with. Yes, I know that there's mention of oil prior to the dinosaurs all dying, but that was a different sort of oil made by angels. Anyway, thanks to Noah's blind obedience and fucking impressive shipwright skills all the animals we see today are the result of this contingency.
All of them? But even with a hundred ships that size you wouldn't be able to carry every type-
-of animal we have now, yes, I know, but that's where the KCM story blows evolution out of the water, you cock-sucking heretic! God had all the saved animals genetically coded with fast-acting variation genes, allowing them to both multiply and diversify very quickly, like in only a few generations as they somehow repopulated the entire world in a few decades. All he needed was a baseline, template pair of each type. Natural variation did the rest.
Voila! Wolves become dogs and foxes and more dogs!
And if you're still having trouble understanding how this works, the KCM has an even simpler horsey picture to clear it up.
Ark Equid is now my new favourite type of horse.
Uh-huh, tiny ark pony becomes modern horse, but what about humans? Did they have these special genes?
Nah, we didn't need them. That's why apes are totally different to us. Shit, why do you think we drive cars and they don't?
Apes varied their shit all over the place, but Man always
came straight from God.
And there you have it, pagan filth. This version is waaay simpler than all that complicated evolutionary crap. I doubt you'll find a more logical explanation for biology anywhere outside of Heaven.
A recreation of Adam's trusty steed, Miffles.
For more information about how all this shit went down just pick up your nearest Bible or pray to your nearest God. And always remember: it's not ignorance if you believe in it!
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