Over here the idea is virtually non-existent unless it's being funded by Correctional Services or similar 'boot camp' organisations. It's hard for kids to commit crimes when they're running for their lives in the middle of nowhere.
But in America millions of kids each year get shipped off for a few weeks to summer camps, usually under the guise of learning self-reliance, cultural lessons and/or religious instruction. Of course, the real reason why Americans love summer camp so much is that it provides respite for parents, parents who are prepared to pay decent cash to get their lives back for a few weeks. Fuck culture and religion, mum and dad just want to be able to walk around the house naked and have sex whenever they want, just like things were before the kids came along. "You little fuckers, go hundreds of miles away to canoe, fish, hike, tie knots, form human pyramids or whatever else it takes to keep you busy while I catch up on a year's worth of deep-dicking, okay?"
They even have specialised camps for learning stage-magic, musical instruments, drama and losing weight. Losing weight? Fat camps are real? Shit, that's insane. If you're so bad at parenting that you have to ship your little porkers off to fat camp then why do you let the local ice-cream man do your grocery shopping in the first place? I've never met an obese kid who didn't have obese parents, so from now on you send the folks to Lake Starvation and let the kids live off their own body fat for 3 weeks.
But the best camps by far are the religious ones. Here's a show from 1970's Canada that sparked an entire franchise of Christian summer camps.
Anyway, the moral message of the day there (crap about learning that you can do literally anything if Jesus sticks his thumb up your ass first) became the format for a bunch of summer camps across Ontario where kids of faith could meet, defy the laws of natural selection and learn religious lessons. Kids would engage in all manner of activities designed to appreciate God's Creation, even the parts that sting, bite or secretly touch your private place. All you had to do was follow the scriptures, sing along to song number 73 in your hymn book, and ignore the urge to masturbate for a few weeks. But when half the activities at camp involve swimwear and water you might as well rename the place Lake Boner. All the boys must have been pitching tents on an hourly basis, while the girls demanded extra-bumpy pony rides all day.
Nowadays the Circle Square Ranch franchise has a modernised image using contemporary music and extreme sports to lure in God's children.
Holy fuck: horses, BMXing, archery, canoes, tug-of-war, flying foxes, stage shows, and other amazing shit no doubt. Not pictured is the constant praying, despite the CSR people boldly claiming that children of any faith or race may attend. Not just prayers before every meal, but before every activity. If you have to pray to some mythological being every time you have fun in order to have fun then you've pretty much signed a pre-nuptial agreement with your wanking hand. And what's with the age range at these camps? 10 to 30? Ah, the older ones are camp counsellors - adults who try to relate to kids while not being related to the kids. I used to do something a little like that for a living as a youth worker on the streets, though not by singing songs, praying, group hugs and other behaviour that would have seen me stabbed repeatedly and left in an alley to bleed out. And rightly so.
When kids get together to have fun and/or pray and sing about imaginary shit it's still considered harmless fun by most adults. But even religious adults I've known get a bit funny when another, unrelated adult starts doing that stuff with their kids. They won't admit it, but you can see the nagging doubts in their eyes, that baseline, primal instinct in the pre-biblical parts of their brains that's telling them it's all a bit creepy. As a youth worker I had a strict code of conduct and precautions to follow when working with youth - regular police checks, always work in teams, never be alone with a client ever, never discuss or share your personal life, never ever project your personal or spiritual values during interactions, hell the kids didn't even know my last name. I sure as fuck never played grope wars in a lake or challenged them to a naked horse race.
So be grateful we don't have summer camps over here, people, because chances are we wouldn't send our kids to them anyway, no matter how much free time it gives to parents. Instead we have a strong tradition of sending children to relatives - it makes it easier to file molestation charges and there's no insurance paperwork to sign. Most of all there's no shit-awful singing about gods and nature and generally being a pussy.
No comments:
Post a Comment