But that's not the only reason to avoid this hellish amalgamation of online dating bullshit. Like all dating sites, this one offers advice to those lonely romantics and failed lovers who think that matters of the heart are best answered by fuck-knows-who internet experts. The very term 'internet expert' is the sort of credential that carries less weight than that cardboard police badge your 5 year old nephew made in special school.
But I wouldn't be much of a Sex Detective if I didn't present some evidence. Here's a heart-felt plea from some moron who's old enough to have an email account but still doesn't understand what a vagina's for.
But I can't criticise people like 'Curious' too much. After all they're not pretending to be an expert, just an idiot. This question was worthy enough to receive answers fron both of DailyDate's experts - Aaron and Amy. Don't ask me who the fuck these experts actually are. Any attempt to find a bio on either yielded no result. For all I know they're a couple of pet dogs, or Taiwanese child slaves. Anyway, Aaron was the first to reply to this plea for help.
"Meeting people is gigantically easy"!?! That's not an asserted opinion, it's a suicide note from the English Language. I admire your edgy, biting style, Aaron. Oh wait, no I don't because it clumsily sucks ass. He's too busy criticising both folks who pre-date and those who use the internet, as well as Walmart and moon people, to even give a coherent reply. Hahahaha! It's funny because he's ridiculing shit that everyone ridicules. That's the opposite of edgy, Aaron.
Also, "Bars exist and contain people who want relationships all over the place"? Does he mean that bars are all over the place, or that people are, or that relationships are geographically diverse? Aaron's last online job was as a poorly coded spambot, but that vocation proved to be too gargantuanally challenging.
So, maybe Amy the Equally Unqualified can give Curious more sagacious guidance here:
Ooor not. Line 3: "...they attract because it is great to attract and be attractive." All you have to do is replace the word 'attract' with pretty much any verb and you'll see that Amy has managed to achieve triple redundancy, like she's completing a bet she made with Aaron in between lines of coke.
And what better way to stretch out a vague, directionless answer than to insert some bullshit Tim Robbins quote, then indirectly admitting that you don't have a damn clue.
Despite employing what I assume to be some sort of nonsensical 'bad cop/good cop' routine, Aaron and Amy both manage to achieve one, unified goal in their responses - they fail to answer the fucking question. So, for the sake of Curious, and as an example to the DailyDate experts, I will do so now.
Dear Curious,
Opposites in human relationships do not attract. That's an analogy pertaining to magnetic polarity. A quick look in the mirror should confirm that you are not composed of iron, nickel or cobalt, so stop comparing yourself to magnets already. The magnet shit is irrelevant, is what I'm trying to say here. Deep, intimate connections are achieved through compatibility in values, humour, sexual reciprocity and bio-chemical attraction. Chances are the reason you are having trouble connecting on these levels is because you think way too much about shit and try to get too serious too quickly. You may also be quite ugly, worthy only of the occasional pity-fuck in low light conditions - and that's repulsion of a non-magnetic nature.
You're welcome,
The Sex Detective
No comments:
Post a Comment